the pastors would constantly remind us of the need to “be prepared for spiritual warfare”, and this urgency never caught up with me until that night.

if you are not physically healthy, then your spiritual health would be threatened as well. since 16 jan, i have been having diarrhoea, fever, stiffed neck and pains all over the body and it continued to worsen on the day clarence flew off. i could not sleep the night before at all and was physically, mentally and emotionally drained. i knew that i still have doubts of whether i could make it through this really tough semester without him by my side, as i have grew to be too dependent on him to push me to study especially nearing the end. but deep down, i knew that i should be relying on God, not clarence.

then on the night he flew, i had a really bad nightmare. i dreamt that clarence told me he was not coming back for a long time, and i was, truth be told, very very shaken by what he said. my emotions in my dreams are very real and in the past, i even let them affect me after i woke up. that night was the only night, i realised that i was actually dreaming in the middle of my dream.

when the dream got to a really nasty part, a commanding and strong voice shouted through my head “GET BEHIND ME SATAN!” the holy spirit prompted me to shout this really loudly for two times. 

when i woke up, that’s the moment i realised that satan is manipulating me, knowing my weak spots and taking advantage of the fact that i was physically weak.

i have finally opened up my eyes. i am beginning to see things that i am doing which are preventing me from communicating and commiting to God. it finally spurred me to do something about it. and most importantly, i need to read the bible everyday so that when anything happens, the holy spirit could pick it up easily.