After so many weeks of refusing to listen to what God has to say to me, I finally hear Him again:D

I have been spending a lot of time and energy trying to tackle my emotional and self esteem problem, so much so that I thought I couldn’t make it through. I hurt the person I loved the most, yet I found it difficult to get rid of my weakness rapidly. Fortunately, after weeks of missing cell, I went back again on Friday and went back home with my heart, mind and soul filled with good stuff. I learnt a lot of things on Friday, like the different stands that Christians take, such as “absolute”, “greater good” and “lesser evil” with regards to ethical issues. I am a double standard person; I’m absolutely absolute with regards to some things, yet I used the “lesser evil” approach to some issues. I’m still trying to find out the answer to the question of which stand I should take. 

Also, I am still finding the answer of why I believe in Jesus. I have the answer of why I believe in God already, but that question is really hard to answer. I got 10% of the question answered today: because Jesus was made mortal and went through what we went through as well. 

Anyway, today’s sermon was a continuation of the series on relationships: marriage, a contract or covenant? My bible is not with me now because I forgot to take it home but anyway here’s what I remembered: 

- Marriage is a safe haven, where you won’t be judged. But rather, your emotions, weaknesses or whatsoever can be released without the fear of holding back. It’s not a contract, whereby you get married to fulfill your own needs. No human can fulfill all your needs, only God can. 

- Your belief is 10 million times stronger than (fill in the blanks later), and it determines your attitude etc. Your belief is formed based on your past experiences. I identified well with this one because my belief (a destructive one) got the better of me one week ago. It was a scary struggle. I fell into the devil’s trap and could not remain rational and could not stop doubting my own worth. But now, I think I know how to handle these beliefs for my betterment. Anyway I just watched the Narnia movie, and one of the characters, Lucy, tried to become her sister. But the lion reminded her that she is what she is. 

- Blame versus Appreciation. This is the greatest problem with me for now, I failed to appreciate the things that were given to me (even though I understood), and I kept my focus on the wrong things again and again. This is really unhealthy and I don’t want this kind of attitude to carry on.

Oh! And I learnt about what quiet time is about. It essentially means thinking about God. I think it’s time for me to be more disciplined and familiarise myself with the Bible because it would be easier for the Holy Spirit to pick on the Words of God whenever I meet with any obstacles. 

Okay, that’s all for now! :D