I am not ashamed or embarrassed to tell people of ugly things that happened in my life because that’s how we help others to learn right?

I had yet another heated argument with Clarence again on Tuesday. And it started from me being pissed that he didn’t reply one if my post on chiangmai. I forgot what happened but afterwards I started to use what ever bad stuff he said to me last time back at him. It just showed how I’m affected by what he said last time. He said that he doesn’t want yet another negative conversation. He said that he saved up his time and invested on me but when we have another argument he would feel that the investment had gone bad.

Of course I’m no saint either. I glared up and scold him for every single mistake that he did. Unforgiving and angsty woman indeed haha.

So anyway he confessed again that he’s in fear every time he alms to me because he doesn’t know when I would flare up at him again. And this time round, what he said really hit me right in the heart. I started to doubt and lose hope. How can I carry on improving myself when the one I’m improving for doesn’t see it? Does all my efforts really matter now?

But I have straightened out my thoughts now. First, he’s not my everything in life, and I’m improving myself not only for him, but for my friends and mum. Secondly when others perceive me for what I did, god didn’t do that and turn his back on me. Instead he still cared for me unconditionally.

Forgiving each other is a very difficult thing. Forgiving means that you acknowledge that the other person has hurt you, and you chose to let go of the hurt intentionally. Sometimes you need to forgive and forgive again in order to let it go. But everything is worth it at the end of the day. All it takes is courage… No doubt what we said to each other can’t be healed by ourselves, but we are okay right now because god had healed us. Well it’s not a “religious” kind of thing. Religion is dead, your beliefs are dead, unless you love people. And that’s what god gave me and others. I’m so glad he came into my life ;)

Became more joyful and appreciative of life after coming here and seeing how people less fortunate than me can still smile and encourage me despite being less blessed in their material lives. Therefore, be rich internally, not externally!