just as me and clarence thought yesterday was the last day of my cleaning expedition, there was a sudden bomb drop comment that the living room is (still) messy. 

tidied and cleaned and vacuumed the whole living room the whole morning and afternoon. i lamented to god what kind of blessings i could count today. to add on to that, i was reminded of the shitty handphone that i have to be prepared to pay a sum to buy. freaked up. 

then i was reminded that fortunately, although i’m poor materially, at least it sort of trained me to be not so materiallistic and to be less greedy. be content with what i have! hard to act on it though. not that i chose this life, not that i want to be riddled with debts and watch my savings amount spiral down, but i have no choice. 

oh wells. 

at least i am going to have a degree and not do laborious and odd jobs like the cleaning ladies in bangkok do. i know of this young cleaning lady who only earns 250sgd/month, yet have to work 9 hours. and there was another lady who starts work at 6am and end at 4pm. but after that, she has another job at night. then after that can she go back home to rest. amazing. i can’t believe i keep whining about how unfortunate i am (relative to “fellow singaporeans”) when i am indeed much better off than some that i know of. 

be content. 

less greedy. 

gambattei to myself in the ordeal of bearing with nonsense. 

have been tidying and cleaning the whole house since i returned from exchange and it wasn’t a pleasant home coming at all. 

at times like this, i would put aside the things that the Father taught me and wallow in self pity. i mean, i’m really tired from getting sick due to dust allergy. and all these all because i didn’t have the financial capability to buy basic (note: basic) furniture since moving house 5 years ago… my things are always everywhere and i couldn’t clean my room often because of my studying schedule. 

when i returned from exchange, the first whole week was HELL. i don’t have a maid. my mum is always busy working to bring in the bread (note: father went into the grave long time ago), and hence my room was coated in dust. fell sick again and again the whole week till i managed to clear out the dust and moss. 

after that, ran to and fro between my house and ikea to get the furniture and fix it. i guess one reason i never gain weight this whole month despite binge eating so much was because i fixed 4 192cm, 1 128cm and 1 185cm shelves, including all the drawers, doors etc…. my body is aching like mad. 

just this morning,the handyman came and repair the loose doors that i did not manage to do properly. he asked why i never do it myself and i shrugged, saying there’s no guy in the house (note: i have a elder sister and elder brother, to be elaborated), and that the bigger size doors are too heavy for me to do. and he advised me on some stuff in fixing the shelves and doors as well. and he asked if i fixed the shelves and i said yes, because i don’t have the money to ask others to do it (note: ikea charges min of 30 or 6%of cost, which is not cheap if they add those small items up individually). and i guess it’s because of that that he charged me like 40+dollars less for everything. he was supposed to make a new powerpoint and change the door knob as well, but there was not enough cable so he’s coming back on friday. he voluntarily waived off the transport cost ^^. so in total, he helped me to do 8 doors (of varying sizes), drill the shelves together so its more stable etc and it cost only 60, excluding 35 of transport cost. 

even though i was feeling very pissed off at everything the whole month, i thank God for this little financial blessing here and there. 

but yet again, i am yet another greedy woman.

i look at clarence and i ask, why does he get an iphone 4 for free when i need to prepare to pay at least 700 dollars to buy one for my mum? and this excludes what i want to get for myself, after being stuck with a basic army phone for 2 years. and he got recontract vouchers as well. and i got reminded of this rich manager in bangkok whom i met in church. God answered his prayer and he got an ipad 2 for free. i mean, God is not stupid and will not spoil his children by granting them whatever they pray for. He grants it only if they have the capability to handle the responsiblity that comes with it. i just pray that i would be able to master the greed sin and be thankful for whatever i have instead of lamenting about everything, because this is getting really tiring. the whole “the grass is always greener on the other side” thing. 

okay so anyway, how would you feel if your elder brother:

-promised your mum to get a job while waiting for his diploma cert to be out, which is going to take more than 6 months, and yet still did nothing and will away his time playing games at home, accompanying gf, wasting home cooked food, not doing any housework? 

-told your sister to be nicer to your mum because he felt that they have the responsiblity to care for her now, and yet, asked your mum for money, amounting to 1+k in less than 3 months, when he is supposed to be earning his own pocket money and paying for his own bills instead?

-have an iphone 3g and a contract that is expiring soon, but would be passing on his old iphone 3g to your mum and buying a newer phone for yourself?

-gang up with the elder sister to bully the younger sister and make sure the latter does not get to use any of the things they bought, and yet make sure that they get to use any of the things she bought instead?

-buy mcdonalds and rather waste money and eat them instead of eating your mum’s home cooked food, causing your mum to overeat and making her high cholestrol increase further?

-make your mum angry by being a freaking ass and make her high blood pressure even higher?

one of the reasons i don’t come up to tumblr that often is because im kind of sick of those quotes that just want to indulge in melancholism. others are facing real problems out there but some are trapped in a world filled with problems that aren’t real and fictitious. i was once one of those and i think i have enough of all these negativity shit. 

been so angsty since i came back. need more of the Word to help me relieve all the sadness, hopelessness that i felt. 

hope the j333 tomorrow helps me cope with all these shit and tiredness. 

still have to make one last trip to ikea tomorrow to settle everything once and for all. by the way, i do know that ikea’s quality isn’t that good, but that’s all i could afford now. not all are rich and fortunate to have a maid at home, someone to listen to them when they are angry or have basic furniture in their houses. 

cherish. 

When the past comes back to haunt you… The tears won’t stop flowing„,

I just want to call my friends and have a nice chat and over-the-phone-hug now… The problem with being overseas…

I do want a special 21st with my closest friends but it’s all but a dream now

Every scar tells a story. This is the only scar that tells one of love and healing.

I’m on my sixth day for the Vietnam south to north trip! Since I have a nice room and wifi, shall update my trip till now!

This is my second time going travelling alone and my first time riding airasia. I’m not familiar with the weird practices so was quite confused at the Bangkok airport. Then in 1.5hours, I’m in hcmc. Been to hcmc ten months earlier so I still remembered there’s a direct bus to ben thanh market so off I went to the bus. The start of my I-have-to-look-confident journey. I found a room at ten USD per night and I thought it was a steal until I went to bathe at night… The water was trickling down and I couldn’t bathe at all. Hardly. But still I pressed on and tried to bathe finish. No wonder they put two mugs at the basin, otherwise the guests would take at least one hour to brush their teeth.
Hcmc was… A turnoff this time round. Partly because of all the touts I faced at every single corner, and due to the dishonest guy at the Market whom I bought coffee from. FYI, some vendors and touts on the streets are under the mafia so I had to be street wise and not bargain with him for shortchanging me, lest I get cornered into a street alley and get beaten up…ate quite a lot on the first day: pho, bread, baguette etc.
The next morning I’m off to dalat! It took nine hours to reach and by the time I was there it’s already evening. Once I got off the bus, a swarm of people came to me asking if I want to stay at their hotel. I was brought to the one opposite sinh cafe and it was decent I guess… There were two double beds and hot shower and i managed to cut the price by two to six dollars per night. Was staying there for two nights. I should have brought my sleeping bag for my exchange… Seems like I forgot the disgusting lesson I learnt at Vientiane guesthouse… They don’t change the bedsheets and the room had a musty smell. The beds in dalat was like that… Okay dalat was freaking cold at twenty degrees. I was quite disgusted by the blankets and bedsheets so I went to bed with long pants to avoid direct contact with the sheets. I didn’t pull up the blanket high enough and so the next day I had a really bad cold. And I got a full day tour to go…
The dalat tour is really good, I went to the flower plantations which had roses and carnations, coffee plantation, rock trekking to the back of a waterfall, traditional weaving house, silk cocoon factory which had dead cocoons everywhere, cricket farm, langbiang mountain and lat minority village. The most worthwhile trip ever. They even included lunch. After the tour I was half dead but I still managed to get to the night Market and shop. The winter wear is cheap in dalat because of their weather. I bought two outer wear for 15sgd and it can easily cost up to 100+ each in Singapore. Bought some preserved fruits for my mum… I bought dried Rose petals also! It tastes cool hahha. After shopping I went to try more local food like the miquang.. It’s large yellow wheat noodles but i don’t think I’m going to be a fan of it. Shop finish then its back to the guesthouse. On the third night I became smarter: I wore sweater socks long pants and turned off the fan. Lols. Still feel really sick the next day but oh wells it’s a bus ride to nha trang so should be fine! I departed dalat at 8am and reached nhatrang at 12pm.. I decided not to stay there for the night and go straight to hoi an on the 7pm bus because nhatrang is all about the beach and I have enough of beaches Lols. But I must say I was quite amazed by the beach. It’s clean and not crowdy! As i had seven hours to while away, I dragged my heavy backpack to the beach to Nuah and while away my time. I bought this really huge rice cracker from a vendor! Shall put up the photos when I’m back in Bangkok. After two hours of tanning I had enough of the sun sand and sea and decided to seek cover at a cafe. Haha I spent four hours at the cafe eating only fried rice and rumcoke Lols. After several hours of waiting and reading books (I brought three books to read) it’s time to go to hoi an! I looked forward to going to hoi an! It’s a sleeper bus that night and the whole journey took 12 hours… But I had quite a nice sleep. Met this girl from china and she treated me to some fruits ;) after reaching I started looking for a place to stay and all the guesthouse that I took down with the lowest price were charging high rates when I went. Walked for fifteen minutes and this tout stopped me and asked if I need a ride. So I asked him if he knows where is this this this street and about cheap guesthouse and he said xx had the lowest but it’s one km down the road and he asked if I want a ride at one USD. I laughed at him (seriously and sarcastically) because I don’t even pay such rates in the more expensive Bangkok. And another thing is, luckily I did homework for this trip and when he told me xx had the cheapest, I must agree he’s right. But the guesthouse was just two hundred metres from the place he stopped me. Furthermore I went to checked the prices at xx already. Obvious liars. This shows one thing: do your research and know the Market rate for everything you want to buy. If you complained that you paid xx times higher, I can only say too bad haha. Buy a lesson.

Ao I walked around and chanced upon this hh guesthouse and it’s the worst room ever. Shared bathroom, wet pillows with two mosquitoes underneath, no blankets, a dirty towel and a very musty smell. Oh wells. If I haven’t been through the worst how can I appreciate what I have back at home? I couldn’t sleep the whole night and couldn’t wait to check out. For hoi an itself, it’s a huge disappointment. I paid six USD for a stupid tour that brought me to my son, another ancient ruins. The town itself is totally touristy. Ew. Hate it. But I had the best Vietnam dish there-Cao Lau. Got lost in the town and finally made it back after forty min of walking. Btw hoi an was charging ten times the amount for the same bookmark sold in hcmc. Lols.
Then I departed at eight am for hue today. The bus took us to two tourists site and stayed there for a total one hour. Expected. Anyway there’s this lift built right beside a mountain. Lame shit. After a few hours I’m finally in hue. Hue has the hardest roads to walk and it took me quite a while to find a place to stay. I was so tired and hungry yet I need to put on a strong look to fend off touts and potential bag snatchers. I couldn’t stay on the streets for too long otherwise I would exponentially increase my chance of being robbed since I had such a big backpack on me. I bargained with many and couldnt find a rate I was satisfied with. On the last stop, this lady offered me 10usd initially but I said no and was about to walk off when the mother came and they eventually brought down the price to 7usd. The mum climbed a few storeys to show me the room, and climbed another time to get me towel and toiletries. I was already panting after climbing four storeys with my belongings and she climbed two times! Wow. I went down to make payment and the mum invited me to lunch!!! I guess it’s quite obvious that I’m tired and hungry Lols. I ate the lunch and it was good ;D the mother couldn’t speak English so I managed only smiles with her. The daughter asked where I was from, how old I am etc and she said that her mom, herself, her dad and her brother are all police. Then I got a shock and froze there. “four?!” haha. But ya they are really friendly and nice and I honestly couldnt tell they are police.
Today’s room is the best and the second cheapest. My previous rooms were all fan and for today’s room, I got a double bed, free wifi, tv, fridge, water, private and very clean bathroom, clean towel, toiletries, table and chairs, clean bedsheets and blanket, and aircon!!! Goodness. I had the first decent bath in days at the room just now and have nuahed for a few hours and honestly I dont feel like walking out again Lols. Will do so later~ what a nice room I have today!!!!!!!
Oh ya. All the cities I went to thus far in vietnam have the same street names again and again Lols.

My second solo trip, this time travelling Vietnam from HCMC to Hanoi in ten days! I’m so glad I’m on this trip alone, I got to see the things I want to see, eat as much and try as much as I want, sleep in very lousy rooms because I don’t care about room standards as long as I can sleep, stop at a location as long as I want before moving on.

Travelling alone means that you yourself have to take care of your own body. I still hate taking medications when I’m I’ll because I strongly believe in letting my body heal naturally. But yesterday, I have no choice but to force myself to eat because if I am delirious I can be targeted by mafia and drug traffickers. These are very real stories and they do exist in real life.
I learnt a lot these few days on how to sever my bondage with money and being street smart. Another most important thing that I realised I didn’t do right before the trip was to factor in emergency money and currency losses. But thank god I have enough ;D

Humans fail each other, and it hurts and grieves me to know that I still can’t wholly trust the closest people beside me. Humans have bad track record. I can only turn to god. You know it kind of sound religious, but I have experienced him so many times, sometimes on a daily basis, and I definitely cannot deny he’s living and taking care of me. Somethings just strangely put themselves into place during this trip as well. It’s kind of disheartening to say you can’t trust humans, but at least you can trust a divine being who has an excellent track record right?